We all have a played a part. The part of being ourself. We pretended to be someone other than who we actually are. We put on a show to be liked or accepted. Some of us pretend to be happy when we aren’t. The pretending is the problem. We put on an act and say this is who we are and what makes us happy, when it couldn’t be further from the truth. The painful thing is, so many people are doing this while feeling like they are dying on the inside.
Happiness and depression comes from the same place: it comes from your connection to self. The closer you are to being yourself and connected with your true self, the more happiness you will be filled with. The further your are from what you actually want for your life or who you really are, the less happy you will be. Happiness comes from the connection you have from within yourself.
Many people are conforming to be someone or something they are not, which in turn means they are choosing to disconnect from self. I use to be one of these people. This brings unhappiness and anxiety. Being who you really are is so very important, but we aren’t ever really taught how to do that. We are taught to how to chase money, colleges, jobs, things. But we are never shown how to find out who we really are and what we really want out of life.
To find a really happy life, you have to truly discover who you are and what matters to you. Disconnect from what is expected of you or what society wants your life to look like. Think about the actual type of life that you really want. What would truly make you feel alive?
Release the need to conform to make others happy or to feel accepted. Acceptance does not equal happiness. Belonging is a human need, but you shouldn’t have to conform or fit a certain part for people to accept you. When you start being your actual self and doing the things you want, true happiness and real genuine connections will come from that.
Start to look at how you are playing a part or parts in your life? What things are you pretending make you happy? How can your become more connected to who you really are?
To learn more check out my book:
“Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone” on Amazon
Comfort zones are the killers to living out our best life. We stay trapped in fear and stuck in unhappiness because it’s better than heading to the unknown, which is scary as hell. The potential of our happiness comes from the changes and growth we choose to allow into our lives. Life isn’t stuck in one place, it’s your mind that is. We fear change, failures, uncertainty or letting go of what we now have. Comfort is allowing us to be unhappy and bound to a mediocre life experience.
In the first chapter of my book, Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone I discuss why we are all in a comfort zone in some way and how we can begin to break free to prevail into a happier person. Our learned behaviors and the unconscious mind has taught us to love stability, certainty, and to steer clear of risks. Whether it be societal norms, family members’ ideas of who you should be, or the community in which you were raised in; there are many things that are influencing us to live a certain way. Not only are we influenced to exist in a certain way, but to settle into a certain type of life.
The majority of Americans surrounding us are now settled into an unhappy comfortable way of life. We conform to fit ideals of what others want us to be. We become the person we are expected to become. We attend the college, buy the house, build the family, get the job, but the one thing we forget to do is listen to what our conversation inside keeps saying to us.
We delete our dreams, the passions we should chase, the ideal person we could be; because we become comfortable being who we think we are supposed to be. Our lives are often chosen by what others say and think is the best life we can life. But, the best life we can live can only be determined by us . We have the power to choose an amazing life every day until we run out of time on earth. But for some reason, we can’t seem to choose what’s best or the most fulfilling but rather we choose what is most comfortable.
I challenge you to begin choosing what’s uncomfortable. Begin making small choices that lead you to makes changes in some small way. Start letting go of comfortable things and start choosing the unknown. Happiness often comes from making uncomfortable choices. Begin to choose more happiness and let go of being stuck in the unhappy comfort zone you're in.
Without even realizing it, we spend most of our days being comfortable and secure. We do things and say things that make us feel safe and at peace. But, sometimes the things that keep us feeling at peace are the things we need to leave behind. We stay in toxic environments, keep relationships with the wrong people, and we say all the wrong things because those are the things that have helped us remain comfortable. The things that make us comfortable are not typically the things that will help us to improve our lives.
We keep the same friends for 20 years, live in the same city, keep vacationing in the same area without wanting to explore or learn more. By lacking the ability to seek new experiences or want change, we stay stuck in comfort but lost in unhappiness. We become attached to the wrong things while needing to replace them with things that are more suiting to who we currently are. And by ignoring what we need, we stay attached to what feels familiar instead.
So, think about what you are currently doing to stay comfortable, but yet pulling away from your happiness. Are you avoiding uncomfortable conversations about money with a partner because you fear conflict? Are you not asking for a promotion because you cannot speak up for yourself? Are you afraid to leave your hometown for a better opportunity because you don’t want to leave your friends behind? Whether it be something large or something small, some things are keeping you stuck in the comfort zone that could lead you to a better life if you would release them.
If we can release things that keep us stuck, why not realize there are better options and move on? Well… the reason people avoid reaching for better options is that they are uncertain, which then creates fear. Most people would rather stay comfortable and unhappy than take risks to find more happiness. We fear the unknown or what some may consider unsafe. But, if we learned to untrain our minds to avoid staying stuck in comfortable situations and work through fear instead, we will find more life satisfaction on the other side.
By learning that staying comfortable is sometimes that thing that holds us back, we learn to feel better at taking risks and trust the intuition that is guiding us instead. Often we ignore the intuition that is telling us to say something or do something different, but we avoid that thing because it creates fear or anxiety in us. By learning to move forward through fear and delete comfort, we will find that some of our best choices and options were waiting on the other side of comfort.